Sarah Longwell, ever the self-appointed conscience of the Respectable Conservative™ class, pops up again like a malfunctioning Alexa to scold the electorate: “For everyone who voted against Democrats because they didn’t want socialism, how do you feel about this?” — referencing Trump’s new executive order capping drug prices.
Sarah, honey, the answer is simple: vindicated. See, your crew had twenty years to give people what they wanted — a functioning healthcare system not operated like a vending machine rigged to eat your money. But instead, you sold Americans means-testing, pilot programs, and “nudges” — like some behavioral economics grad student with a fetish for suffering.
The fact that 70% of Americans have begged for prescription price reform for two decades but only now get it from the guy you swore was Benito Mussolini with a spray tan? That doesn’t say anything about them. It says everything about you.
You told people they couldn’t have it. That it was unserious. Unsustainable. Unearned. Now that they have it — not through your hands, but through the orange fist of the man you’ve devoted your career to performatively loathing — you’re trying to shame them for getting what they asked for? Like a gaslighter ex who only brought flowers after someone else did.
And the irony: if this policy came from your team, it’d be hailed as “compassionate conservatism 2.0” or “neoliberal realism.” But since it's from the guy you wrote 300 columns trying to cancel, it’s suddenly the death of capitalism.
David Sirota, bless him, chimes in from the Left: “Trump is refusing to use the full power of the law. He's trying to prevent future presidents from lowering drug prices.” Cute. You mean, like Biden did? When he proudly announced that Medicare would negotiate prices on ten drugs? By 2026?
What kind of insult is that? “We’ll lower drug prices... slowly. Strategically. As a treat.” That wasn’t a reform. That was a half-assed sweetheart deal dressed up like a Trojan Horse, but instead of soldiers inside, it was lobbyists in polos.
You think we forgot? Ten drugs. By 2026. And it’ll still cost a small fortune to live past 60 unless you win the genetics lottery or marry into the Gates family. And all of this — from the same party that still claims they’re the last line of defense against corporate tyranny. Please.
Trump’s order — for all its flaws, and there will be plenty — isn’t pretending to be something it’s not. It’s a blunt force instrument, because subtlety is a game for people who already have healthcare. Biden’s “war” on drug prices? It was more like a fundraiser at Pfizer HQ with better hors d'oeuvres.
And speaking of hypocrisy in human form, let’s not forget Cory Booker, America’s favorite performative weeper. Remember how he theatrically wept about fascism on the Capitol steps? The same Cory Booker who blocked a bill allowing Americans to buy cheaper drugs from Canada — because, get this, he was concerned about Canada’s safety standards.
Canada. The place where maple syrup is federally protected, and the worst scandal in their healthcare system was a nurse who handed out the wrong soup. But sure, let's pretend their pharmaceuticals — made by the same companies, in the same facilities — are too dangerous for Americans. You lying, pharma-funded jackal. Your tears aren’t justice — they’re saline-soaked shame.
This moment — this executive order — didn’t come from altruism. It came from pressure. From RFK Jr., who sounds like a haunted kazoo but still managed to drag the conversation leftward in a way your entire party couldn’t. You could’ve had him. Instead, you dragged out a president who needed a defibrillator between syllables and called that “strategic pragmatism.”
This is Trump and RFK Jr. force-feeding you your own broken promises. And now you’re choking on them. And the American people? They’re watching you squirm with the same pity we reserve for a trust fund kid who’s never used a plunger.
Despite the “party of the people” branding, Democrats have long had a cozy relationship with pharmaceutical companies—especially since the Obama era. Big Pharma is one of the top donors to both parties, but after Trump’s rise and the GOP’s increased unpredictability, pharma leaned more heavily blue for the sake of “stability.”
So when a Republican President—especially one who the establishment views as a wildcard—comes out with a bold drug pricing order, it kneecaps the “we’re your only hope” argument Democrats make to these donors. And worse: it makes the GOP look like it’s stealing the populist mantle, without the bureaucratic molasses the Dems usually serve it in.
This performance—saying the right thing, delaying real action, blaming the GOP—works only if no one else actually delivers.
But Trump’s executive order breaks the spell. Even if imperfect, it presents something concrete, immediate, and aimed at broad-based benefit.
Suddenly, Democrats’ caution looks like cowardice. Their “fighting for you” rhetoric gets exposed as strategic stagnation. Their donors? They see that the status quo may not be stable after all. Why donate millions to delay reform when someone else might push it through unilaterally?
Democrats love to portray themselves as moral stewards of healthcare equity. But Big Pharma donations, revolving-door appointments, and regulatory capture tell a different story.
A Trump-led pricing reform—especially one that resonates with voters—lets Republicans play Robin Hood in a space Democrats have turned into a thirty-year TED Talk.
RFK Jr., despite his maverick status, is pulling disillusioned Democratic voters and donors toward a more aggressive populist healthcare stance. If Trump adopts any of RFK Jr.'s talking points or if their positions align—even accidentally—it forces a bipartisan populist front on drug pricing.
Democrats have relied on healthcare reform as a core identity issue. It’s their go-to play every cycle—“Republicans will take your coverage, we’ll protect it.”
If voters decide the Left can’t even win at the issue they’ve spent thirty years fundraising on, donors may start shopping for new champions—inside or outside the party.
Final Word
Trump’s move on drug pricing, especially if RFK Jr. is credited for pushing the conversation, is more than just a policy shift—it’s a donor earthquake. It shakes the illusion that Democrats are the only reliable partner for corporate healthcare interests, while also showing the base that real action doesn’t have to come wrapped in Ivy League caution tape.
In short: the Democrats promised revolution, but delivered a focus group. Trump just delivered a punch—and the donor class is rechecking their insurance policy.
Ah, and now come the crocodile tears from the innovation crowd. “This will kill innovation,” they cry. What innovation? Gain-of-function leak labs in quasi-legal Ukrainian bunkers? Designer drugs that cost $9 to make and $900 to sell? Oh no, the death of “innovation” that exists solely to bump up stock buybacks and CEO bonuses!
Let’s be clear: the only thing this might kill is the golden pipeline from the Capitol steps to the boardrooms of GlaxoSmithKline.
And finally, the desperate plea: “This just offloads the costs elsewhere.” Oh you mean like... every other policy? Like outsourcing? Or inflating the currency? Or passing a trillion-dollar war budget while claiming the cupboard's bare when someone asks for insulin?
Let’s not pretend this is about fiscal discipline. It’s about ego — yours. Because the boogeyman you said would destroy democracy just did more to cut drug prices than your party ever did. And that burns. Because you didn’t just fail — you talked down to everyone while failing.
So no, Sarah Longwell. No one is ashamed they got the thing they’ve wanted for years. They’re just ashamed it took this to get it.
And they should be.
But not for the reasons you think.
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Michael Arturo writes fiction, contemporary political/social commentary, parodies, parables, satire. Michael was born and raised in New York City and has a background in theater and film. His plays have been staged in New York, London, Boston, and Los Angeles.
She really didn’t know about socialism